The Backstory

I became the first Black, gay, certified matchmaker and science-based relationship coach in the world when I was just 28 years old. One of the major downsides I experienced as a full time love professional was the pressure to both be in a relationship and for that relationship to be perfect.

There have been times when I considered switching careers because the pressure to be a role model felt so intense that it negatively impacted the ease and flow of my own romantic connections. However, I knew that performance pressure wasn’t the primary problem as I’d been a high achiever my entire life.

I was in a long term relationship when I started my company in 2017, but the connection was strained by the realities of being a first-time entrepreneur: unsteady finances, long hours, and the stress of growing a new business in a niche market. Plus, I was living in Washington, DC with its super high cost of living at the time, so the financial stakes felt pretty high.

The Love Blocks

As I teach my clients, the #1 reason anyone is single is because they’re trying to have a Level 25 relationship with Level 3 dating skills. There are four skill pillars that predict a person’s readiness for healthy relationships: realistic expectations, emotional availability, self-confidence, and logistical capacity (having enough time, space, and money available to nurture a relationship).

When all four pillars are in place, compatible romantic opportunities show up relatively quickly (usually within just a month or two). If any pillar is missing, relationships tend to suffer due to issues related to that pillar. This works so consistently that I shifted to primarily teaching clients how to become their own matchmakers because love becomes essentially inevitable when the skill sets are intact.

Applying that same relationship readiness assessment to myself, it was clear that my core love block was my logistical capacity. I’d been in a few relationships since starting my business and the pattern was clear: the times when money was steady, my relationships were steady. When money was shaky, my relationships followed suit.

I was clearly overextended and the entrepreneurship anxiety made it hard for me to be present both in my body and in my love life. It really made me question what I wanted more: to help others have sturdy relationships full time (and you’ll see several of my client success stories shortly) or to have my own…because it definitely felt like a sacrifice sometimes.

It’s probably not a surprise, but being in a healthy, happy relationship myself definitely wins the priority game for me, so I knew exactly what I needed to do...

The Breakthrough

To address my logistical capacity challenges I came up with a three part solution.

1. First, I started working with both a therapist and hypnotherapist to help me deal with the perfectionism and entrepreneurial stress because I already knew the drive to be perfect was the source of my overextension in the first place.

2. Second, since revenue in every business is variable, I decided to move to a city with a lower cost of living so that even my lower revenue months would allow me to live comfortably.

3. Finally, I have an MBA in marketing and decided to get a temporary corporate gig completely unrelated to relationships, which would allow me to take a break from the business grind and recalibrate my nervous system.

It’s somewhat ironic that when I went to business school I never planned to start a gay relationship coaching company. It came about because I recognized my talents intersected the needs of my community. But to a major extent, I had put those needs above my own and that’s why recalibrating became necessary.

One of my favorite romantic principles is that we’re most likely to find love during a period of transition. Since our belief biases are reinforced by our everyday environments, stepping out of our comfort zones is when we’re most easily able to override any self-sabotaging patterns.

Transitions can take many forms: moving across the street or across the country; starting a new job or leaving one, a loved one dying or a new one being born. Any transition can catalyze an opportunity for love. Vacations are probably the most notorious example of a transition that invites romantic opportunity because being at peace, at ease, and open to possibility increases romantic magnetism exponentially.

The Bond

Things shifted pretty profoundly after deciding on the strategy: I no longer felt the need to prove or sacrifice myself (both therapy and hypnosis worked) and a short-term executive opportunity fell into my lap which had me relocate to Kansas City. Not even two months after moving, I met Eddie, my sturdy man with a soft heart!

My Eddie Bear (whose last name is actually Love, funnily enough) proposed in December 2025 and we’ll have a destination wedding in June 2027.

This nourishing, safe, easy love with my beautiful, steady Eddie is exactly the type of relationship my entire methodology is designed to help make inevitable for my clients.

But I want to be super clear and reiterate: the easiest relationships are the ones you have the skills to handle.

Love is easy when you know what to do.

Is Your Love Story Next?

If you’re ready to master your romantic magic, the next step is to schedule a 1-on-1 consultation with me.

During our session, we’ll assess your relationship goals, identify your dating strengths & skill gaps, and create a customized plan to develop your skills to lasting love levels within the next 3-12 months.

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Amari Ice is a gay love coach, matchmaker, and master hypnotist who helps successful singles master their romantic magic by developing their dating skills and becoming their own matchmakers so that love becomes inevitable. Take the free Dating Skills Quiz to discover your dating skill level.