The Dating Pool to Partnership Pipeline
Gay, straight, or otherwise, everyone knows there’s pee in the dating pool.
What you might not know is that the pee is concentrated in the kiddie pool and is rarely a problem for people who have the skill to swim in deeper waters.
Your goal isn’t to train the youth (or the youth-minded) on dating pool etiquette. Your goal is to learn how to swim in the deep end like a romantic Olympian.
Here are three big questions that determine if you’ll sink or swim.
Question 1: Are you ready to go to the pool?
There are four pillars that predict your readiness for the dating pool:
Realistic Expectations: Is your list realistic?
The #1 reason relationships fail isn’t infidelity or money— it’s the frustration experienced because of unmet, unrealistic expectations.Emotional Availability: Is your heart open?
Emotional availability isn't a bonus—it's a basic requirement for any relationship to be healthy rather than toxic.Self Confidence: Do you trust yourself in the water?
Confidence isn’t a state of mind. You can’t just decide to be confident because confidence is trust in yourself that’s based on the evidence of your skills.Logistical Capacity: Do you have time to spend in the pool?
Logistical capacity is the time, space, and money you have available to nurture a relationship. If you’re overextended, relationships will struggle to grow.
Question 2: Do you know how to get to a quality pool?
A quality pool is a deep-end pool that contains people who fit the qualities on your list. Some pools are intentionally shallow (like hookup apps), so you're unlikely to find many people who are willing or able to go deeper. You need to locate pools with deep ends because you're more likely to find other people who can swim there.
You can’t deep dive in a puddle.
There are four things you need to know to assess the quality of a dating pool:
Where is the pool?
If you want to get wet, go where the water is. You can either physically go to the pool (like a singles event) or you can bring the pool to you (like a dating app). Online is more convenient but it also requires better marketing skills because all dating apps are simply marketing tools.How many people are in the pool?
If there’s no one in the pool, you could’ve just gotten in your bath tub at home. From a pure numbers standpoint, the more people in the pool the better your odds of meeting someone interesting.How many people in the pool likely fit your list?
If the type of people on your realistic list wouldn’t be at the pool, it’s not the right pool to go to. But if your list is unrealistic, those types of people wouldn’t be at any real pool anyway—which is why the very first readiness pillar is realistic expectations. Knowing the odds of meeting people who fit your expectations will also help you stay graciously neutral (rather than jadedly frustrated) toward the people who don’t.How do you get into the pool?
What’s the easiest way to access the gate into the pool area? Do you need to create a dating profile? Get an introduction from a friend or matchmaker? Purchase a membership to join the club? Travel to another city? If you don’t know how to get into the pool area, you can’t connect with the people inside.
Question 3: Do you know how to swim?
Your ability to swim dictates how deep you can go in the dating pool. The #1 reason anyone is single is because they’re trying to have an Olympic level relationship with kiddie pool dating skills. The dating pool has 5 distinct depth zones:
0ft — Poolside: Romantic Advertising
The Waving Phase
You’re at the pool but not in the pool. The goal of this section is to be seen by as many people in the pool as possible in order to get some interested admirers. Before anyone can date you, they have to notice you.3ft — Shallow End: Interest Nurturing
The Talking Phase
You’re officially in the water and can engage with those who’ve expressed initial interest. The goal of this section is to nurture that interest enough to get a first date.6ft — MidPool: Active Dating
The Swimming Phase
You’ve just crossed the threshold out of the shallows and into active dating territory. The goal of this section is to keep your head above water (i.e. to keep dating) by swimming, treading, or floating until you build enough trust to go deeper with someone. Trust issues are most likely to appear here. But let’s be clear: when we say we have trust issues, what we’re really saying is that we don’t trust ourselves to choose partners who are good for us, which is why the self-confidence pillar is so crucial.9ft — Deep End: Committed Relationship
The Diving Phase
You’ve committed to a partner in the deep end. The goal of this section is to grow your partnership even deeper and swim longer distances together.12ft+ — Greatest Depth: Marriage
The Deep Diving Phase
You are literally and legally in the deepest part of the water. The goal of this section is to completely merge your lives above and below the water, which might even include building your own private pool for just the two of you.
If you’d like me to show you how to get pool-ready, how to locate quality pools, and how to swim in the deep end, click here to schedule a consultation with me.
We’ll discuss your relationship goals, dating strengths + challenges, and create a plan to level up your love life within the next 3-6 months. The session is only $100 and lasts about an hour.
Sending you love, peace, and glitter!
Amari Ice
Gay Dating & Romantic Mastery Coach
“I help singles build the skills that make love inevitable.”
#1 Best-selling author of Lasting Love at Last
